Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
