your parents love me but you hate me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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