I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
