I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
