Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
