Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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