so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
