Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pants are for mortals
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
