ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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