I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
