YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
