Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
