respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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