And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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