DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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