just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
