Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
