Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
