she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
