i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the day after is always just damage control
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
