My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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