We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
