gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
