But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
