I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
