is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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