I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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