I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
