some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
