You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
