Can i not drive my cunt home
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
