I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
