arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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