You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're a waste of cheezeits
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
