So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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