they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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