make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
