so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
