he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
