just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
