So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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