go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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