dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
