My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
