Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
