you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
