So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
