Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i barfeds in our rink
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
