I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
