Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
